Feb. 4th, 2010

FML

Feb. 4th, 2010 02:17 pm
gothicotter: (Default)
I am so fucked. Life just keeps getting worse. I feel like I'm constantly having the wind knocked out of me. Where's the coffee break? Where's the intermission? I just can't get ahead. I just can't win.

My finances right now are fucked because of my irresponsibility back in December. I will never just ignore my finances again, even if I have the Flu From Hell.

I just found out last night that we're being furloughed for sure 4 days a month from March through June. It's like being sucker punched. Please, just kick me while I'm down, why don't you? As if my life didn't already suck enough!

My personal life is just fucked. I came to the hard realization this week that I was indeed wrong about Charlie loving me. He doesn't feel anything more than friendship for me. He's been in love with someone else the whole time. I was simply a surrogate until she was available. Once again, I fell in love with someone who will never love me back. I suppose it is my own damn fault. I broke the rules & let it mean more to me than it should have. I guess I brought this on myself. I have weeped every day this week.

Out of the blue, an ex who humiliated me in the worst way emailed me. We haven't spoken for 3 years. He apologized for the way he treated me all those years ago. The funny thing is, I didn't get angry, I didn't berate him... I forgave him. I don't see how I could after what he did to me. He doesn't deserve me to be kind to him. He doesn't deserve my forgiveness. What kind of person am I? I must be crazy.

I just wish things would stop going so terribly. I want to be happy again. Why won't anyone love me? What is wrong with me?

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