Apr. 20th, 2010

Separation

Apr. 20th, 2010 07:39 pm
gothicotter: (Default)
Sanju informed me last night that he won't be out of the country for two months-- he'll be gone for five months. He's known for two weeks. I asked him why he waited to tell me & he said he didn't want to make me sad. I cried when I got the news. 

I don't like the idea of being separated for five months. I've come to terms with two months, but five?!? It just makes me want to cry! Sanju explained that it is legal red tape. Apparently, per his student visa, he has to stay out of the country for the duration of the semester since he's going back to Nepal. He's required to take the semester break due to the timing of the trip. He is excited to see his family & friends again, but is disappointed to be away from me. I am torn as well. I want him to see his family & friends back home, especially since he hasn't seen them in two years.  I am going to miss him so much.   

I was looking forward to spending Thanksgiving & Christmas with him, New Years, my birthday... I'm actually most upset about him missing my birthday.  Selfish, I know, but I was looking forward to spending it with him. I'm going to miss his birthday as well. This makes me sad. He said he'd call me on my birthday. 

I wonder if he is going to have to stay out of the country for five months next year too when we go to Nepal. God, I hope not. I know this is just something I'm going to have to deal with, something we BOTH will deal with. We both knew that this was not going to be easy. I guess this is our first hurdle next to his parent's permission. I really need to start doing some more research into the legal hurdles we're going to encounter. I'm just thankful that he won't have to be gone for a year. Silver lining.

We may end up marrying before he leaves. Wow. Kind of scary to think about. It's not marriage that scares me. At all. It's the wedding part that is causing my anxiety. The expectations that I still have in my head from my past. I don't want my mother to berate me for her not meeting him before the wedding. I don't want her to be angry with me for not allowing her to be a part of it the second go-round. It's not because I don't want her to be... In fact, I would love for her to be there. I just don't think she'd come on short notice. I don't know exactly when this will happen, but I'm sure as soon as his parents give their permission, it will happen soon after. It will be wonderful because then I'll be able to actually be public about our engagement. 

Guess I'll be diving head-first into some governmental research.       

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