gothicotter: (Default)
[personal profile] gothicotter
I need to learn to break things down & deal with one feeling or problem at a time.

I am lonely. I have established this. I know I'm being selfish when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend, but I don't know how else to feel. I feel like I'm doing all the work & he's just showing up when he feels like it. I know this is not fair, but this is how I've been feeling lately. I would love to be there for him, to be support, to be able to do things for him, show him I care, but he doesn't let me. He doesn't talk or communicate with me. I never know what's going on in his life because he never tells me. He's constantly pushing me away.

My frustration is being internalized & I think the byproduct is this loneliness. He won't let me be there for him & in turn, he's not really there for me. And I am frustrated.

I feel selfish, but how else am I to feel? I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall & it just refuses to give at all. I don't know what to do, can't do anything, without his cooperation.

I miss him so much. I miss his laugh, his smile, his kisses, hugs. I miss his love of chocolate, Mexican food, & Dr Pepper. I miss the way he smells & feels. I miss watching his brows knit together in concentration when he's looking over his stocks, or how his face lights up & glows when he talks about his daughter. I miss hearing him snore in his sleep, for Christ sakes!

I am hopelessly in-love with him, but I don't know how much more of the isolation I can take. It's so frustrating.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


gothicotter: (Default)

April 2011

1011 121314 1516

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 03:42 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios