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My Third Anniversary
Nov. 5th, 2008 01:35 pmI am proud to say I have finally accomplished surviving for three years without being raped. I have been happier than I have ever been in this time. There is no joy like living without the constant threat of being attacked in such a way. I have attained a level of confidence that I didn't think I would ever achieve. I know what I am worth. I am a human being with rights, & like all humans, I am priceless. I know now that I do not have to bow to that kind of pain ever again. I am beautiful.
It amazes me how I have done a complete 180. I am so happy that I am contributing to society in a positive way & for the fact that I can simply function. My PTSD is better than it has been in many years. I haven't entertained thoughts of my own suicide in quite some time. I am on the right side of the bars. I am not where I thought I would be.
I didn't think I'd live past seventeen. I fully thought that I'd end up murdered on the streets or that I'd simply decide one day that I couldn't stand to live in Hell any longer & I'd end it all. I never would have thought that I'd be in Law Enforcement & I really believed that one day I'd be a teenaged hooker who was simply trying to score another hit.
I am proud to say that I did not live up to any of my expectations. I am the proud holder of a High School Diploma. I have my own car with my name on it. I have a good steady job that is respectable. I still have my three kitties & they are fat & happy. I have done well for myself & now I have even better goals. One day, once I have enough money, I will go to college. I want to get married & maybe have children. One day I may become a Police Officer. I have hopes & I have dreams.
I watched Speak again today. It's an amazing movie about a girl in high school who was raped at a party by an upperclassman & then she calls the cops who bust up the party. The entire school thinks that she called to narc on the party when in fact she had called because she needed help & then didn't get the chance to report the attack. The entire movie is about her PTSD-- she cannot tell anyone what has happened to her. She has panic attacks & she loathes herself. She has no friends & her family treats her simply as though she's being rebellious as they are unaware of what has happened to her. She finds solace in art & that becomes her avenue to finally break her silence. In the end, she regains her power & is finally validated. This movie is so empowering. It makes you cry & smile. I love this movie & I relate to it so much.
I am victorious today. I am a survivor. And I'm opening back up to religion. I have to celebrate!
It amazes me how I have done a complete 180. I am so happy that I am contributing to society in a positive way & for the fact that I can simply function. My PTSD is better than it has been in many years. I haven't entertained thoughts of my own suicide in quite some time. I am on the right side of the bars. I am not where I thought I would be.
I didn't think I'd live past seventeen. I fully thought that I'd end up murdered on the streets or that I'd simply decide one day that I couldn't stand to live in Hell any longer & I'd end it all. I never would have thought that I'd be in Law Enforcement & I really believed that one day I'd be a teenaged hooker who was simply trying to score another hit.
I am proud to say that I did not live up to any of my expectations. I am the proud holder of a High School Diploma. I have my own car with my name on it. I have a good steady job that is respectable. I still have my three kitties & they are fat & happy. I have done well for myself & now I have even better goals. One day, once I have enough money, I will go to college. I want to get married & maybe have children. One day I may become a Police Officer. I have hopes & I have dreams.
I watched Speak again today. It's an amazing movie about a girl in high school who was raped at a party by an upperclassman & then she calls the cops who bust up the party. The entire school thinks that she called to narc on the party when in fact she had called because she needed help & then didn't get the chance to report the attack. The entire movie is about her PTSD-- she cannot tell anyone what has happened to her. She has panic attacks & she loathes herself. She has no friends & her family treats her simply as though she's being rebellious as they are unaware of what has happened to her. She finds solace in art & that becomes her avenue to finally break her silence. In the end, she regains her power & is finally validated. This movie is so empowering. It makes you cry & smile. I love this movie & I relate to it so much.
I am victorious today. I am a survivor. And I'm opening back up to religion. I have to celebrate!
